Wishful Thinking

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Maybe It's Just Me...

Yes.....

It's Tuesday......

Actually i don't want to write but i think i could use this time, to write something, and make people think i haven't gone yet =)

My office is moving next weekend
I don't think it's that big a deal
But,
now that i think about it
Some things will change, definitely
All these things that i've gotten used to,
i'm sure i'll miss 'em.

The point is,
though i've thought i'm the simple and easy going kind of guy,
when i think about it thoroughly, i'm not.

I thought i could just let go of things so easily,
yet i can't.

Last weekend, i met this girl, my ex-girlfriend.
I don't know what good will it make for me to write this.
But i just think, "hey, there's nothing wrong with being honest, rite?"

The most disturbing thing about meeting her again is,
i always found myself lost...
Lost in love....

I thought maybe someday, i'll be able to get over her.
That someday i'll be able to think of her just as a good friend.
That someday, i'll find someone much better than her.
That someday, she'll think of me as an irreplaceable friend.

Hell, some of 'em is undeniably true.

But, what about the false ones?

It's just, whenever i see her, i'm always faced with the one thing i hate the most.
The fact that she doesn't love me.
Hell, that's fine with me, actually.
Besides, what good is it in having a girlfriend that doesn't love you back?!

But, one thing that bothers me the most, is:
Maybe, maybe, she's just not meant to be with me...

Yeah, maybe she fits every aspect of a 'perfect' girlfriend that i've always dreamt of.
But, hey, 'not loving me' is not on that list!!

Well, maybe she's the best compared to any other girls i've ever met.
But, she's the worst in just one thing, the most crucial and important one:
loving me....

But...it's just that there's this one thing that i know i haven't found in any other girls:
the ability to 'see' her as a perfect person.

Well, she's not perfect.
But it's me, this heart of mine, still 'sees' her as a perfect one.

Well, not that perfect actually.
I'm beginning to 'see' her, as an almost perfect girl to become my lover.
Why?
'Cause she doesn't love me...
And this feeling that i've kept for her all these years,
subconsciously,
is getting smaller...weaker....

Though it's good, but still, it's making me sad...

It's just that......
I want her, i really really want her,
to be able to 'see' me the way i 'see' her...

Though i'm not perfect, i always wanted to scream these words to her:
"I'M TRYING MY BEST HERE!
PLEASE ACCEPT ME JUST THE WAY I AM!!!"

I really want to 'see' other girls, or at least, another girl, other than her,
with this kind of 'seeing' ability.

If she never tried hard enough to accept someone 'just the way he is'....
I just feel sad...
'Cause i think it's the most important thing,
to have a long-term relationship...

I know, i really know,
that noone's perfect...

I just wish she realizes that, and tries her best,
to accept me, or at least, someone else,
as a perfect person...
As a perfect person that still has flaws, weaknesses....................

Not just trying to find someone,
waiting for someone,
someone who's perfect...

Instead of looking for a perfect person,
why doesn't she try to 'see' that imperfect person,
as a perfect one.
As a human...a normal human....

Please, please....

If she can accept every members of her family just the way they are,
why can't she try to do the same with her lover...?



My best wish for her...

~RYAN~